I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
