one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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