DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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