He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
