My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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