I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
