You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize