The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
