Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
