So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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