Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
