Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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