everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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