The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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