she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
