just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
