do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
