I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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