There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
