Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
