I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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