You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
