Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i now understand why vodka
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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