i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
