i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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