3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
