Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
