it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
