We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
