You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
