birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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