got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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