3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
