He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
