Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
