So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
