she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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