I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
