i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
