Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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