I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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