do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
