Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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