he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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