This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
