Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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