also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
