I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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