I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize