It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
