My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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