just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
