You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
