I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
