How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
