i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
