My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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