She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
