So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
