She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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