in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
