im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize