grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
