I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
