okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
