the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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