are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
