Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's shark week go big or go home
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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