apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
there is glitter all over my balls
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
