please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
