you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want nice things and good sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
