Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
