I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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